Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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