i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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