My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I have tasted many bathrooms
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
