a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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