So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize