At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
