You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
