I want to have your abortion
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
