Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
