There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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