i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
