can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
