What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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