I didn't shave. On purpose
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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