i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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