guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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