dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
