How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
