Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize