It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
