Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
