I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
