wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
