It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
