In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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