you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
