Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
