There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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