I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
