How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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