Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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