Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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