Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
