haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
