just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
