there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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