mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
