I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
