I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize