I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I am midnight drunk by noon
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
