Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
