I can text with my tongue
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
