I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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