I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Randomize
