Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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