god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
