I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
