she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
my poor anus
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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