She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I think I sprained my soul last night
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize