Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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