No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
