Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
