How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
