dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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