Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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