Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
