She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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