my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize