The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
