i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
