I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
