The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
