i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
