Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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