How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
