i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
