Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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