The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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