you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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