my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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