he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
