I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
