WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
