My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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