Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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