We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
