the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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