You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
