We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I will be naked everywhere
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
