I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
