its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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