what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
