There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
